I Was Thirty-Six Before I Realized My Father Had Rejected Me

The story of why it took me so long

It’s time to honor our Fathers again. How will you honor yours? Does my Daddy know loving me was okay because I am his child? This is the story of how I learned that my father rejected me, and why it took me so long to see it.

In 1984 I sought special prayer as I was going through my divorce. The prayer minister, who knew nothing of my background, had these things come to her by the Holy Spirit. As she prayed for me and this upcoming meeting, she got these two words. Mother = depression, and father=rejection!

Hearing this, I was flabbergasted. I knew of my mother’s depression, my brother and me having pulled her off the railroad tracks twice. And I knew full well her rejection of me, but I never felt that Daddy had rejected me.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127:3–5 KJV)

How My Daddy Died

So, I processed this for the next several weeks. I had neither parent to ask questions of at this point. My daddy died in January of 1972 of antifreeze poisoning. How that happened is still a mystery. It is not out of the scope of possibilities that it was at my mother’s hands. I was living out of state then, yet on her deathbed, my mother still told me it was my fault. No one, not even me, called the authorities. We didn’t know for several months after the autopsy reported the cause. There was no investigation. He was an alcoholic. She had taken his keys and refused to get him anything to keep the withdrawal symptoms at bay. In the past, she had sent him for treatment, so she knew what was happening. It’s called the DTs.

Delirium tremens usually start two to five days after the last drink and can be fatal. Shaking, confusion, high blood pressure, fever, and hallucinations are some symptoms. Sedatives may prevent delirium tremens. Alcoholism treatment may start with detoxification at a medical facility. Delirium tremens are rare, as there are fewer than 200,000 US cases per year.

The Secret My Mother Kept

Several years before her death, she told me about an affair she had during WWII with Daddy overseas in the Army. She had gotten pregnant and had a back-alley abortion. She told me that she was guilty of the murder of that baby and that she was going to hell. Then she said she revealed this to my Daddy on the night I was born. I’ve written before about my journey to healing from her rejection.

Why My Father Rejected Me

It took me a while to figure out how he rejected me. The Holy Spirit helped me to realize my Daddy’s half-hearted acceptance of me was because he wasn’t sure I was his child. If I had known the full story, I could have reassured him I was his. Somehow I knew that I was his. Could be the way my older brother told me we were full-blooded brother and sister. Some of the six of us may not be Daddy’s. Throughout my life, Daddy always told me I looked like his youngest sister. I know now he was trying to reassure himself.

The thing is, I never felt rejected by him. Perhaps it was because I was so hurt and focused on her full-on rejection of me. My healing from his rejection was a short prayer of forgiveness. I didn’t need to walk in his shoes as I did hers. I can’t think like a man, but I can imagine he didn’t want to give up on the chance to have me in his life either way. I love him even more because of that.

Remembering My Daddy

He was a great Daddy and even pretended to eat a mud pie at an outside tea party with me. Daddy was a great man, a great worker, a great son and brother to his nine siblings, and an alcoholic. He was fun, and he loved picnics and taking us fishing and on our annual trip to the north Georgia mountains. Happy Fathers’ Day in heaven, Daddy!

Love, your daughter.

If you are healing from a parent’s rejection, you may also find hope in Unlocking Resilience: Harnessing the Power of Ancient Native American Wisdom to Overcome Rejection Today and How I Am Finding Better Memories After Healing From Abuse.