It’s getting easier as I adventure away from the years of pain.
What triggers your memories?
Is it a song or a smell? Or is it a voice? Maybe it’s a place. Once activated, those memories will be good, right, and peaceful. Or can be terrifying because of what emotions you experienced when the memory was created?
A lot of my memories are triggered by smell. In the last couple of weeks, I gathered and made muscadine jelly. Then, I decided to buy scuppernongs and make more jelly. The jelly will be part of our Christmas giving this year.
But those grapes’ smells and tastes took me back to a few of my good childhood memories with my mother. She was a good cook and loved making jams and jellies. I can remember helping her pull taffy as a tiny child. She didn’t teach so much as I watched and learned. Then I filed things away into my memory bank, like our family’s peace ice cream recipe and many others.
Our memories can be odd little things that bring to the surface things you don’t want to remember. The pain of the abuse or the aftermath of it. All that trauma, but once it hits daylight, you can work on it and get the healing you need. I know that now, but I’ve been at this for a while.
Bad memories haunted me until the Holy Spirit showed me how to overcome the trash I had taken on as a child. It was keeping me from having relationships. It kept me stuck in a pattern of not knowing the truth of who God is and who I am.
The key was forgiveness, and it was not all that difficult to do. It took a while because I would think of something, pray and let God know, I was forgiving that person. Sometimes, I may have stated for what, but God already knows. He is waiting for us to come to Him with forgiveness in our minds and hearts.
Being angry is the norm these days. Carrying a weapon and shooting first seems to be the way people are acting these days. People are not thinking and trying to talk and come to a solution without violence.
Holding on to anger and bitterness may be the world’s way, but that doesn’t make it right. There are more people living in pain due to some trauma than at any other time in American History. But, even trauma pain can be overcome if you start with forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the way forward. It’s the way to find peace and joy.
We know it’s the right way because Jesus stated this when He was teaching the disciples.
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins. (Mark 11:25–26 NIV)
From my experience, it leads to peace and joy and better memories coming forward. I had buried anything good in my relationship with my mother. But little by little, some of those memories are returning to give me joy now that I am more at peace.
How I felt about my mother’s treatment of me probably kept me from asking the questions I now have. She was my mother, my abuser, and I was the rejected one.
But sadly, my mother died of cancer in 1982 at fifty-nine. She asked for me right before she lost consciousness, but I wasn’t told until after she died. Maybe she would have tried to make amends. That is my hope. I count on finding her waiting on me when I pass. A new movie, “After Death,” is coming out that explores what happens when we die.
Please don’t let your questions wither and die.
If you have a chance to ask your questions, don’t let anger stand in the way. First, pray a simple prayer of forgiveness and move your mountain. You don’t have to confront your abuser. Ask God to forgive you for holding on to unforgiveness. Then tell Him who you want to forgive, and put the outcome in His hands.
I have a memory, and it comes out of the blue. I am about four and have been stung by a bee. Daddy calls me into his body shop (today’s terminology is collision repair). He uses his remedy for most everything: paint thinner and pours a little on my foot. It feels cool and smells strange.
This memory has me wishing I could find a bottle of “Ode to ye Old Body Shop” and uncap that smell. There is nothing I know of that smells like a body shop. I would feel kinda of foolish pulling up to a collision repair shop and asking if I can come in to sniff. They might call the cops or, worse, the men in white to take me away!
What smells awakens your memories? Is it a perfume, a man’s cologne, chocolate, or other food? Could it even be roses or, my favorite, gardenias? What about herbs? Are you one of those who can taste or smell the spices the chef used to make their famous sauce?
Maybe sounds awaken your memories. Do you get transported back to your teen years when you hear certain songs? Shouldn’t it be that way, a few minutes of energy and thinking about how things used to be? Does it upset you to remember those times? Do you try to block those memories? Do you change the music? Or do you try to relive those good old days?
I love to dance, but my body doesn’t like some of those moves. Can’t you hear Chubby Checker telling you to twist? While my hearing is good, my hips are past the twist; if I did, I might have to shout! For help that is!
Why did I come into this room?
The question I have to ask myself these days, more often than not, is, why did you come into this room? What are you here for? Those questions are slowing me down, and I get frustrated.
Here’s a scripture I have hanging in my dining room:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (II Timothy 1:7 KJV)
I stand on that sound mind.
I taped this scripture to my calculator at my last job, because I took the job thinking it was above me. And because I was dealing with cash. If I didn’t balance at the end of the day, I would ask God to help me find the outage. He always did.
It was the first and only job, I’ve had a boss say, bring your Bible, pray for your customers, pray with your customers. It was so humbling, and freeing, and powerful, too. I enjoyed that job more than any of the many I had over my nearly fifty-year career. I’m so glad it was the one I got to retire from.
Working to retain our memory as we age.
Memories at my age are like little birds that I seem to disturb, and they flutter away. But I learned as we age, our hippocampus (the part of the brain involved in memory) tends to shrink.
Yet, people who exercised regularly showed an average increase in hippocampus size on their brain scans.
So, I bought myself a vibration platform. It vibrates my body and jiggles all my fat! Supposedly, it will take away some fat and increase my circulation. It should help my strength training as I use resistance bands or weights. A healthy amount of impact on my body will promote strong bones, improving my bone density. So far, I am not using it daily, but I am down two pounds without changing my diet.
I am a healer and walk in the Spirit.
Because I am a healer and walk in the Spirit, I know what to do when any bad memories surface. I know it’s time for a forgiveness talk with my Lord. Forgiveness brings healing and peace, so why would you not try it? You might find yourself shouting for joy.
Many sorrows shall be to the wicked; But he who trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him. Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous; And shout for joy, all you upright in heart! (Psalm 32:10–11 NKJV)
