She was highly skilled at manipulation, gaslighting me was another form of her abuse.
Have you ever been “gaslighted?
Perhaps you know someone who has. Gaslighting is also called coercive control. Historically, it is referred to as extreme psychological manipulation. And was used to commit someone to a psychiatric institution or cause mental illness with the intent to brainwash.
I didn’t think my mother could hurt me any worse than rejecting me at birth. Boy, was I wrong.
At twenty-three, I hadn’t yet discovered the Holy Spirit or started on a healing path. Still, He sent an Angel to witness the cruelty she was inflicting on me.
I have made many mistakes.
Renting the house next door to my mother was one of the biggest. We were moving back to North Georgia from North Carolina, and the house seemed ideal. We had two small boys; it had a fenced-in yard, and it had the room we needed at the price we could afford.
My son was about two and a half. He had been an early walker at nine months and was talking well at this age. Occasionally, I would let him ride his tricycle outside by himself. Soon, that carefree thing had to come to an end.
He was coming in with these words, “You are not my mother, maw-maw is my mother, I hate you.” This child of mine had one or two chocolate chip cookies in his chubby little hands. He pushed these words out as fast as he could. I became a puddle of blubbering tears.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18 NIV)
She made sure no one was ever around to hear this happen. I had no recording device. Who would ever think that a mother could or would do this? My husband certainly didn’t.
My husband thought I was crazy; no mother would do that. Then, the angel appeared. His parents came for a visit. It so happened that they had some car trouble on the road, and my father-in-law took the car to be looked at right away.
Mother was gone when they arrived. So she didn’t know God had sent the most honorable and trustworthy person to speak up for me. To defend me when I needed it most.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)
My sweet, innocent little boy was out playing. We were surprised when he came in, stood before me, and said, “I hate you; you are not my mother; maw-maw is my mother.” Of course, there were the chocolate chip cookies she used to manipulate him held in those little hands. My mother-in-law burst forth with tears and held me. She said I know you told me this was happening, but to hear it with my ears is heartbreaking.
When my husband came home, my dear angel of a mother-in-law told him what she had witnessed.
Rather than confront my mother, causing the drama she probably wanted and expected. I spoke to a psychiatrist who gave me this advice. Do not let the boys outside unless someone can be with them. Do not let them visit her without you. If she asks why, that is when you tell her, “It is because you are confusing my son. With your lies.”
She never asked. I think she knew. I didn’t know what her in-game was to be. About three years later, we relocated to be closer to my husband’s work. After moving, our son showed some signs of being troubled. I asked him what was the matter. He said, “Do I have to go back and live with maw-maw when I turn thirteen?” No, why do you ask? He said, “That was what she told me.”
I love my children, and forgiving her for manipulating my son was hard but necessary.
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew 6:12 NIV)
When I look back over my life, pre-Christian, pre-Holy Spirit, I can see God’s hand in my life. I have dealt with rejection, depression, and about every kind of abuse you can name, and now God calls me Joy!
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)
Through the years, I overcame and walked out so much healing with the Spirit. Now, I live with a purpose, and joy is a miracle when bitterness could have stolen it all away.
If you suffer from the effects of abuse, don’t let your past steal anymore of your life.
Contact me, and let me pray with you and give you some resources to encourage you.
