What you can learn from my mistakes
This guide offers tips to help you grow stronger as you age. It touches on the mental, emotional, spiritual, and a little on financial parts of life as you age.
Recently, I wrote about regrets. And today, I am telling you about several terrible, haunting, humbling things I failed at. But there are some things you may have yet to think about. This is a starting point: to think, to talk, and take action.
Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual well-being is the key to aging with grace
- Write down your regrets. What can you change to remove the guilt or anger of your regrets? If forgiveness is anywhere in your mind, go for it. Yes, I failed to ask forgiveness after speaking out and hurting someone. Forgiveness is the way forward, especially as we age and seek peace.
- If you need emotional healing from some hurt, be it physical or emotional, go for healing. I hope you’ll try the Immanuel Approach. It’s gentle and not expensive. Finding IA was life-changing, and I intend to put more effort into helping others heal as I move forward. You will feel better and age better with your wounds healed.
- Next, buy long-term care insurance. This will ensure you get good care at home or in a nursing home. Look at the policies in your state and buy a policy while you are in your forties.
It was out of our financial reach when I learned about this type of policy, as our age raised the premium.
As we age, we face many challenges; some we can plan for, others come without warning.
Physically/Spiritually
If you smoke, please stop for your future self and those who love you. Check with your insurance; many pay for some aid to help you kick the habit.
As we age, our bodies may surprise us with health issues like heart disease and cancer.
My husband’s story: The pain started the day after his fiftieth party. Thinking he had heartburn, he worked several days with chest pain. It was his heart, two stents, and two years later, it was bypass surgery for him. He stopped smoking after the first stent. Stopping helped him improve his health, recover from the surgery, and return to work. God worked here.
Several years later, it was a mild stroke. My stubborn husband would not listen when I told him something was wrong. He insisted his leg had been asleep, and he was fine. The following day, he finally relented and went to the hospital. Soon, he had carotid artery surgery. God was with us through it all.
In 2003, it was my turn. My doctor spoke the big CA word. It came after an MRI was ordered for my back after nerve conduction test results. I was experiencing numbness on one side of my body. I went back for a CT scan on Friday, and on Monday, I saw a kidney specialist.
My left kidney had a tumor in it, and my family doctor, the radiologist, and the urologist all said it looked like cancer. The surgery scheduler said it would be weeks before I could have surgery to remove the kidney.
As I was weighing my options, the doctor came to the door. He said, put her down for Thursday! She asked him about a conference he was to attend. He said, cancel all that. She will have her surgery on Thursday. God was there!
Anytime a kidney cancer is found early, it is usually an incidental find. Mine was the first stage of cancer. Now, that type of tumor has been downgraded by the National Kidney Foundation to be benign. My records can’t be changed; therefore, I have a history of cancer. It affects how insurance underwriters view me.
To say God was in this is no small thing. The numbness went away. God gave me so much peace. I came home on Saturday and returned to work in four weeks. Those four weeks with God were amazing.
Aside from God’s grace. Three other factors helped me recover weeks sooner than the doctors expected.
First, my family and friends prayed, and they brought me food.
Second, Stretching regularly has helped me age with flexibility; at 76, I still have my natural joints. I believe it is because of these stretches.
Third, I started myself on arnica. I used a homeopathic form. It is good for reducing bruising and swelling. So it is excellent for overcoming falls, etc.
The pure form can be bad for you, so talk to a doctor before you start taking arnica. Also, it should not be taken with other medicines or herbs.
Vaccines to help keep you healthy and strong as you age
- If you have had chickenpox, get your shingles vaccine as soon as your doctor advises. Not getting mine earlier was a major mistake, as I had two breakouts of this painful rash.
- “RSV,” or Respiratory Syncytial Virus, is a contagious virus. In older adults and those with underlying health conditions, it can be severe.
- For the flu, get your vaccine each fall. It helps reduce your risk of complications from the flu.
- The updated COVID-19 vaccine helps protect you from severe disease.
- There are three types of pneumonia vaccines. Two types are Pneumococcal Conjugate Vaccines, PCV15 and PCV20. And the third is a pneumococcal polysaccharide vaccine PPSV23. Check with your doctor to see which you need and when.
These vaccines are not just to protect you but those around you.
Some of these vaccines can be taken together. I like to get my flu and Covid-19 together.
The shingles vaccines are given in two doses two to six months apart. It’s essential to get both.
Note: shingles can be brought on by stress. After the second breakout, I had to wait to get the vaccine. I was unaware that you could get them more than once. Now, I am protected, and I urge everyone to check with their doctor and get it as soon as possible.
Physically/Emotionally
Talk about where and when you would like to retire. Are you dreaming of the beach or the mountains?
- Be sure you and your partner are on the same page.
- Talk about where now, and start making plans. We thought we might buy a fixer-up on the coast, but housing prices soared and ended that dream. Plus, I have fibromyalgia, and I can’t handle sand touching the tops of my feet. They are hypersensitive to touch—something we didn’t expect.
- Start downsizing early because when I faced moving, I was overwhelmed by the overabundance of things we had collected during our marriage. I have been downsizing ever since. I don’t want to leave a mess for our children.
- God had a novel idea: We decided to sell some of the acreage and pay the mortgage off. We prayed about it. The next day or so, we had an excellent offer. This person would buy our house and land, and we remain in it until it’s time for a nursing home or whatever comes next for us.
A Big Red Financial Regret
Here’s our story; please let it be a lesson for you. At the end of 2006, my husband and his good friend wanted to open a store. They found one, and I finally gave in to my husband’s plea to put the house up for his half of the price. That decision is one big red regret.
At first, the store made money, and I felt free to spend for the first time in years.
Then the recession hit, and no construction workers meant no business for the store. My husband hid a lot from me, and we nearly came undone. The state placed a tax lien on our property over unpaid sales taxes. Also, I found out the federal taxes had yet to be paid.
He filed for bankruptcy, but that does nothing for the past-due taxes.
The state ceased the money in our joined checking account. We got a family member to open another account, which I was a signer. Little did I know that the state would go after my social security number in another person’s account. I had nothing to do with the store. I signed nothing when it was bought. There again, they ceased all the money in the account.
My husband took money from his retirement account to hire one of those firms you see on TV. They tell you how they work miracles with the IRS to get you out of tax trouble. They were unreachable after they took his money.
Finally, the IRS settled with him for a portion of their due.
Next, He met with our area’s Georgia Department of Revenue Sales Tax collector. They hammered out a repayment plan. My husband had to take his social security early, at sixty-two, and most of that check went monthly to the state.
It took him nearly two years to find another job. I get upset thinking about that time, the store, and the aftermath. His dream failed. His friendship suffered, but they resolved their differences after my husband’s stroke. And now, he and I are in a better place emotionally and financially.
Our story’s moral is don’t jeopardize your future by using your home as collateral.
End-of-Life Choices, some you might want to start making now
No one wants to age or think about the end of life, but you need to look at it as another phase of … what’s next. We have pre-birth, birth, and your years of life, and the end. But if you are a Christian, you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, then you have Eternal life.
- Your bucket list: Start working on it now. Get those items marked off. Because your children think you can’t handle many of the things you have on yours if you wait to you are my age! Mama, your arms might come off if you zipline!
- Prepare a living will. Yes, at your age, whatever it might be. Your physician’s office may have some fill-in-the-blank guides. One helpful resource, Your Conversation Starter Guide, is available for download. It comes from the Institute for Healthcare Improvement. One is also called Five Wishes, from www.agingwithdignity.org (the links will open in a new tab).
- Family always say they want to take care of you. But have a backup plan. Because when it comes to that time, none of us know who can cope with me. It could be that I’ll be more physically and emotionally challenging than they can deal with. It might be a matter of who can afford to take family leave. Do they even have it as an option? With no long-term care insurance, we will rely on the state Medicaid and Medicare. But until we have to go, we hope one of the kids or even a grandchild will step up.
- Life Insurance: Buy it while you are healthy. My husband has a whole life insurance policy. We bought it before his heart issues became issues. We have no dependents, so insurance is less important than when we had small children.
- Traditional Burial, Green Burial, or Cremation. My cremation has been paid for since the 90s. I am a member of the Cremation Society of Georgia, Inc. Now, my husband has decided cremation is good for him, too. So we’ve been exploring the right one for him.
While exploring, I came across another option I might have considered if I were in the market now. It’s called Green Burial. It’s a natural way, and you can go all in on it or go with the essentials. It is up to you.
It can be an option if you love nature or if finances are a consideration. Cremation is next in line if cost is a concern. Be thorough when planning for the end of your life. There are people always looking to take advantage and leave you with nothing.
As you age, stay updated on the latest scams; many target older people.
The cost of a traditional funeral in the U.S. will vary based on location, services, and the funeral home, but here are some general statistics:
According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the median cost of a traditional funeral with a burial (including viewing and ceremony) in 2022 was around $7,848. Remember, this does not include cemetery costs, monument or marker fees, or other extras.
Here is a breakdown of the fees for funeral home services for a traditional service:
- Basic services fee: $2,500 — $3,000
- Embalming: $725
- Casket: $2,500 (can range from $1,000 to $10,000 depending on the material)
- For visitation/viewing: $425
- Hearse: $350
- Burial Plot: Averages about $1,500 — $3,000, depending on the location.
Cremation Option:
- A traditional funeral with cremation averages slightly less, at about $6,971, because it eliminates some burial-related costs, cemetery plot, and burial vault.
Additional Costs for Cremation or Traditional Service
Obituary: Can range from $200 to $600
- Headstone or marker: Typically $1,000 to $3,000
Direct Burial or Cremation: These are more straightforward options without ceremony, costing much less. Direct cremation averages around $2,000 to $4,000, depending on location.
My ex-husband’s family has their cemetery in North Carolina, and I believe most, if not all, graves have been dug by the men of the family. A friend of ours recently was buried in a wooden box built by his nephew. These things may save money, but they also speak of love and personal care.
Note: Many of the things I’ve written about here are things we don’t want to think about or discuss, but you need to be honest with yourself and those who love you. As you age and watch others go through illness and death, note what occurs and how you feel about the different stages.
I had an essential living will until I watched my brother suffer after a stroke, and I knew I did not want to live as he did in the last months. So, I updated it asap after his funeral.
We also have wills. Even though we no longer own property, there are items each one of us wants to pass on to family members. Also, I have my author business to consider.
It would be best to explore how wills and trusts work in your state. Consult a lawyer, and remember to update as needed.
In summary, this covers many years, and it is best if you start several of these items in your forties.
I feel prepared and at peace. I don’t have it all downsized, but I’m moving things out as long as possible.
Get a free companion PDF download, “Aging Stronger: Essential Checklist for a Fuller, Healthier Life.”
I write to give others hope and healing. The road in this life can be rough, but there is joy waiting on the other side of your pain, anger, and hurt. Find out more at glendashaw.com
